In this episode, we talk to Duke Rumely about his non-profit organization Sober AF Entertainment, creating sober support and why being sober doesn’t mean you have to feel like the weirdo in a social group setting.
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Duke Rumely is the Founder and Executive Director of Sober AF Entertainment, SAFE. This nonprofit creates and manages sober support events and sober sections at music festivals, concerts and sporting events. SAFE has hosted 100 events and had over 5,200 people join in person and another 44,000 join virtually on their Twitch Channel. Before SAFE, Duke founded National Recovery Skiathon. Duke worked on Wall Street for 20 years and then worked as a interventionist and community liaison for treatment centers for 10 years. Duke has a 20 year old son, Ben, and 24 year old daughter.
Social Media Handle: Sober AF Entertainment on Facebook and LinkedIn
Memorable Moments:
3:07 You know, it's ridiculous there's no secondary culture. As far as, if you don't want to drink or do drugs, you don't need to feel like the weirdo. Plus, I've had this long term sobriety and just kind of knew, like, the first year sobriety is so hard and so awkward. But if you had a sober wingman to kind of show you how to have fun sober, it kind of takes away this self pity card that we're all walking around with. Just that, you know, oh my god, I can have fun sober.
6:50 I think we're like a little nudge, a little poke to people like, “hey, you can host your own sober support events.” Like, it's okay. Just because you're in recovery, [it] doesn't mean you can't put your hand up, [it] doesn't mean you can't like, protect your own community.
7:48 You know, there's a community out there that to drink is to die. And how do we kind of help those people feel comfortable at these different events, because their life doesn't have to be over. Just because you're not drinking or doing drugs, you don't have to be like, you're the weirdo.
10:38 We had a woman in long term recovery, who 25 years earlier, [at the] inaugural season, was asked to sing the national anthem at the Rockies. And she was so drunk, she couldn't leave the house. So she was so embarrassed, she left Colorado. A year later, she gets sober. So now she's 24 years sober, gets to come back to Colorado, sing the national anthem, and slay that dragon of that guilt and remorse that she had about it. And she got to tell that story at our sober tailgate beforehand.
14:39 Then that one day came where the idea of life might be okay without alcohol. That's as much as I could kind of give with this first little, like step zero. Like somehow you gotta get a buy in to that life might be okay without alcohol.
17:05 It was this big thing in my head. And people don't care. But it was the first time walking through that. And the second time you go through, it's still awkward, but not as awkward. And the third time, it's still awkward, but not as awkward and it just gets so much easier. But that first year, there's so many new experiences. So I think that's kind of why Sober AF is so important.
19:47 I think we all need to give ourselves a little bit of a break, and just try to get back into whatever that groove was before.
20:50 I think we're in an unprecedented time that we won’t realize how disruptive COVID was to the recovery community. So that being said, you're still alive, you got a chance to kind of get back on whatever that beam was before.
23:29 I think as a guy who's 32 years sober, who goes back to meetings, I almost need to like, forget what I've learned before. Right? What worked in 1989 and the 90s, may not work in 22.
24:42 I think that is where we need to understand that’s what the generation wants. How do we support people virtually, if that's kind of what the future is going to look like?
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Duke Rumely is the founder and executive director of sober AF entertainment also known as safe? This nonprofit creates and manages sober support events and sober sections at music festivals, concerts and sporting events, safe has hosted 100 events and had over 5000 people join in person and another 44,000 Join virtually on their Twitch channel. Before safe, Duke founded National Recovery ski Athan, he worked on Wall Street for 20 years and then worked as an interventionist and community liaison for treatment centers for 10 years due because a 20 year old son Ben and a 24 year old daughter, he is also a dear friend of mine as a former team member at Advanced Recovery System. So welcome to the show, Duke. All right, dude. Well, thank you so much for joining us on our show today. Would you mind introducing yourself to our audience?
Duke: Thanks, Allison. I'd love to, so my name is Duke rumley. I'm the executive director and founder of a nonprofit called sober A F entertainment.
Angela: Awesome. Well, again, we are so excited to have you do I can't wait to really dig into a lot of questions. But can you give us a little bit more background on sort of what got you into that position, and what got you doing a lot of the things that you're working on right now. And just give us a little bit more insight on what your journey has been like?
Duke: I drank alcohol, got my brain rewired and was super intense. And at the age of 21, parents took me to treat bit left treatment had been sober since. And that's 32 years later. And what helped a great deal was a lot of different recovery support. And one of it was a group called The War friends, which was the sober support group inside the Grateful Dead. So fast forward, 28 years sober, I've got kids and kind of watching their community blow up and just thought, you know, they need a little if it's not recovery, support, at least sober support. Why is everything you know, so pro drug and pro alcohol. So my daughter was at a concert, St. Louis, the child and all of her friends were on ecstasy, and she's 20. And she's texting me, she needs to take an Uber home, she's not safe. And the same time my son who's 16, to best friend ODS on a week brownie, and ends up in, you know, ambulance in the hospital. And that's what Colorado is like right now. And you know, as a parent, you know, with these kids at these, you know, scary ages where one pill can kill them. Just you know, it's ridiculous. There's no secondary culture. As far as if you don't want to drink or do drugs, you don't need to feel like the weirdo. Plus, I've had this long term sobriety and just kind of knew, like, the first year sobriety is so hard and so awkward. But if you had a sober wingman to kind of show you how to have fun, sober, it kind of takes away this self pity card that we're all walking around with just that, you know, oh my god, I can have fun, sober. So that was kind of the idea of this nonprofit, like, I'm not the guy that started a nonprofit, I just, it was just such a weird, like, this is the perfect time. And this is a crazy idea. And we hosted a couple of events. And I think the third or fourth one we did within the first month was a Rockies game. And we sold like 110 tickets. And that's when I kind of thought like, you know, what, there really might be a lawn for this. I mean, we know it's needed, right? But how do we make it wanted has really been our mission.
Allison: Well, and you've done it so successfully. And Duke, you know, I know we've known each other for many, many years, and you are just so passionate about recovery. But you've also like you love to have fun. And I think that's something that creating kind of like a sober revolution is really what you've been able to do. So let's talk more about that. Because you touched on it a little bit, right, like having this alternative, right for those that don't want to drink or do drugs, right, having like a cool place to hang out and be around like minded people, but also having that safe place for those in recovery. So let's talk more about that meaning and what that's done for people because you started with a few events, but you've done now, events all across the country. So what does that been like and what does that really meant to those that are being that are impacted or have been involved?
Duke: So I've had these great aha moments. where we did a sober tailgate at the Colorado Rockies and we threw the tailgate before about five blocks away at the silver gym, called the Phoenix. And just watching these kids come from, you know, the $500 a month Sober Living pink Mohawk 24 year old 63 days sober kid who really needs another layer of support, and have them show up and just light up because there's popsicles, right? Oh my god, there's popsicles and hotdogs at this, like, this is gonna be a fun party. And, you know, just kind of show him how to kind of walk through this. So that was this great aha moment, like, Oh, my God, there really is kind of this next, these kids who just need another layer of support, and really show me how to have fun. I had another moment where we were hosting a sober support tailgate at the University of Colorado playing Colorado State. And it was down at Mile High Stadium. So I'm contacting both schools, and they both got Collegiate Recovery communities, but I'm not getting a lot of feedback. So now I'm calling the athletic department, and the Colorado State Athletic Department called the CU color athletic department as I who was the sober aft guy, and they called the CU Collegiate Recovery Community, and was like, Who is this dude Bromley and who's Solebury app, and she told us all about him. And then we got discounted seats and, and she called me and I was like, Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I feel like I got you in trouble, you know, with the athletic department. And she's like, No, no, do you understand like, the athletic department didn't know we are here. We've been here for 10 years. And they didn't even know a we're here, or B, there's other ones outside of CU. So it just kind of proves that I think we're like a little nudge, a little poke to people like, Hey, you can host your own sober support events. Like it's okay, just because you're in recovery doesn't mean you can't put your hand up, doesn't mean you can't like protect your own community. And this is where these kids want to go. We got a call from Holy Cross college. And they were like, how do you do this? You know, we want to do it versus the Harvard game. And we sent them T shirts, and we sent them balloons, we showed them how to do it. And it was this huge success, where alumni were walking by an alumni ended up giving a huge donation based on this sober tailgate. And they're now able to do it every single year. And I think it's just little stuff like that, like we just kind of give each other the permission to host our own recovery support events. And that's how we're gonna have it at every sporting event in every, you know, music event, you know, there's a community out there that to drink is to die? And how do we kind of help those people feel comfortable at these different events, because their life doesn't have to be over? Just because you're not drinking or doing drugs? You don't have to be like, you're the weirdo.
Angela: Absolutely, I love that. And it sounds like you've just become more and more resourceful, you've really started just reaching out and connecting with folks in the community, whether it's a school or a program, or somewhere where you have a connection, I'm thinking about the listeners who are, you know, tuning in, and they're sort of like, you know, a little bit more independently on their own. And they really want to create this sort of secondary culture or join into the secondary culture at, you know, for example, like music festivals or other sporting events, things like that. Where would you give them some advice as to you know, where to start just to like, kind of begin that process? Or maybe they've kind of been out of the loop. Now, people are going back into events and things like that right, now that we're seeing a little glimmer of, of more of that returning. So yeah, what would you say to those folks?
Duke: I think there's a lot of change happening right now, because of what happened with COVID. We all got isolated. And now we're all kind of going back. And, you know, drug sales were up and alcohol sales were up. So there's a community looking for kind of this wellness. And if you want to find us, you can go to sober af e.com. And if you want to host an event, and if it's sporting or music, you can contact us we'll walk you through it. Like I mentioned, the Holy Cross College, there's other colleges, the Michigan Michigan State game also had a sober support tailgate and we weren't there. They just contacted us, we walked him through it. But we would love to be your promotional tool to be able to do this. And if you do need like somebody to kind of walk you through how to have that conversation. You know, we're a four year old nonprofit that has hosted over 100 events. And we've had over 5000 people attend in person and another 43,000 People join us virtually. So we can kind of give you that credibility of using our name and what a sober tailgate can look like. So ideally, it's an event beforehand either in the parking lot are in the stadium, and then a sober section inside the venue with discounted seats. So that is kind of the model. And if you can get free tickets even better. So we have a commitment from the Colorado Rockies for 2000, free tickets for a Rockies game Saturday, June 18. So Saturday night in Coors Field, and they're letting us throw out the first pitch. And they're also letting us sing the national anthem. So we did something very similar last June, where we had 650 People sit together in a sober section, and we threw the tailgate before. And we had a woman in long term recovery, who 25 years earlier than inaugural season was asked to sing the national anthem at the Rockies. And she was so drunk, she couldn't leave the house. So she was so embarrassed, she left Colorado A year later, she gets sober. So now she's 24 years sober, gets to come back to Colorado, sing the national anthem, and slay that dragon have kind of that guilt and remorse that she had about it. And she got to tell that story at our sober tailgate beforehand. We also had the owner of the rocky speak at that event. We've had all kinds of different legislators speak at our events and a couple of celebrities. So really excited about, you know, different events. So the long answer for a short question, how do you do it, you can either contact us, you know, if it's a music festival, we'll walk you through it. A lot of the bigger music festivals, like the 20, top music festivals already have a recovery support team in place. So we are very careful not to step on anybody's toes. So there's already a recovery support event there, you know, we can help them get volunteers if they need our help. But there's 850 different music festivals in the United States. So there's plenty to go around. So we would love for the ARS community to figure out some events that they would like, have them get in touch with us different alumni groups, and we'll walk them through it. And ideally, we'll Will we meet, we'll be there. And we'll have some fun, and we'll really promote it nationally as our goal.
Angela: That's awesome, we so much appreciate that as a resource. And I'm sure others will, too. So we'll make sure that we put all those details in our notes. And, and one thing I want to just kind of pivot to because I think, you know, we're talking about so many great ways to help folks move forward when they're sort of in this in this position where, you know, they may be a little bit further along really, again, still needing that support, which I think everyone who's in sort of a similar position could use. But you know, you know, I've definitely, you know, engaged and watched a lot of some of the sort of interviews you've done in the past and things that you've talked about. And you really shared a lot about sort of the legal and family related challenges that really came up for you personally, in the past. And one thing I know, just from those who might be listening in today, I think it's always really great to hear from someone who's, you know, been in that position where some maybe now what what helped you through that period are those periods of time that you might extend to someone who's struggling with similar issues and feeling, you know, really hopelessly out of control, or really wanting to sort of see what that potentially could look like in the future. And looking at you now you've started this great organization, like you said, this is not something you thought you would ever do. But what kept you going during those periods of time? And to get you here now?
Duke: That's a great question. Thank you. I'm carrying up I'm so touched by it. So, you know, I was the type who would go to AAA at age 1718 1920 years old. And just like, please tell me there's some other way. There's some other way besides this accident thing like this is great for the new people. And then I would go out and you know, I got a DUI a teen, I got arrested in Mexico at 20 where my mom had to fly down and start negotiating my release. And on day seven, they said if you want your son back is 25,000 bucks, and mom said you can keep them and two days later they lowered it to 4000. So that's my trade in value. If I ever get drunk again. She'll get her four grand back but you know, I just didn't know there was any way out right this was I needed to win the lotto. I needed the bad luck to stop and it was all kind of based on that and then that one day came where the idea of life might be okay without alcohol that's as much as I could kind of give with this first little like step zero. Like somehow you gotta get a buy into that life might be okay without alcohol. And then, you know, I think that was like happened while was in treatment, and then kind of post treatment. I was roughly 51%, sober. I mean, my head turned at every liquor store I drove by, and every bar, even though I was on my way to an AAA meeting, you know, my head would just turn and I didn't have a car, the first two years of my sobriety was in college, and I wasn't surrounded by much recovery. But I was able to find there was a girl in my college who was sober. And then there was a great recovery community in Louisville, Kentucky, who had picked me up and take me to a meeting. So I think kind of that really, I didn't know that I didn't know. So I thought I was a normal person, it turns out, I had a brain that was kind of rewired and everything would be better with alcohol. Then I have the second aspect of once I do get sober, you know, it's so awkward, early sobriety is so awkward, everything is new, everything's a first time experience. I'll never forget, I got a great job offer. I'm joining this trading desk on NASDAQ security trading desk, and I'm replacing this woman and she's retiring, and she was the first woman ever to work on a NASDAQ trading desk. So all these big wigs are flying in from New York City and DC, and I'm at this dinner somehow at this table with all these people. And you know, I'm, I'll be 22 years old and can't drink and they're all pouring the champagne as they go around. And they're given the speeches. And you know, it's the first time I've ever done any of this. And you're like, do you fake the sip? Did what do you do? And, you know, no one ever told me what to do at this point. And is it disrespectful? And when the champagne guy comes to me, I grabbed my glass and I turn it upside down. Because someone's giving a speech, I don't want to say anything in the whole room stops, like everyone is suddenly staring at me. And I'm just like, Oh, my God, what, you know, I say something. And then like, the guy across the table is like, well, I guess there's more for the rest of us. And that was it. Right? It was this big thing in my head. And people don't care. But it was the first time walk him through that. And the second time you go through, it's still awkward, but not as awkward. And the third time, it's still awkward, but not as awkward and it just gets so much easier. But that first year, there's so many new experiences. So I think that's kind of why so re F is so important. Like how do we help that new guy, you know, feel comfortable at a Rockies game or at global dance or at country jam? So long answer sorry.
Allison: ARS University is the perfect go to resource for anyone looking to learn more about mental health, addiction and other related topics. The on demand library offers a wealth of engaging and informative content that can help you gain a deeper understanding of these complex subjects. With ARS University, you'll have everything you need to empower yourself with knowledge and support. To learn more, go to www dot IRS university.com. And I think that you know, the story that you shared is probably one that so many can relate to. Right? And it is, there is that anxiety that comes around like being in social settings were your original way of coping or handling or or just even participating in could feel very different. But you're so right that first time is going to be a little awkward. Every time you do it is going to be that much easier. But I'm sure Duke and you've walked alongside so many people as they've made the brave choice to change their lives to I mean, you've helped probably 1000s of people at this point at various stages of their journeys. I'm sure you've also seen people maybe approach it not necessarily in the healthiest way, right? People that maybe are a little counterproductive to their sobriety, maybe aren't doing everything they need to take care of themselves. What would you say? Or what suggestions would you make to folks that maybe feel a little bit stuck or maybe feel like not necessarily doing everything I need to support myself at this point.
Duke: So I think we're all stuck right now we just went through a global pandemic, it remember that brotherhood of man, and then you go to the grocery store, and there's no toilet paper. I mean, it kind of there's a little crack in our foundation of like, we're all in this together. So if you feel that way, I think it's okay, right. Like we're all walking through this for the first time. And, you know, I look at kind of the 12 step community that went virtual. And, you know, I'm sure there's a group that didn't go virtual, and realize they don't need meetings, and suddenly they're two years without a meeting because of COVID and they're not feeling as connected. So I think we're all need to give ourselves a little bit of a break, and just try to get back into whatever that groove was before. I live in Longmont, Colorado, and COVID hit and they closed down all that Churches and all the meeting spaces. But we didn't close down liquor stores or the weed shops. So there was definitely there's really weirdness going on, you'll have no night meetings in Longmont, which is really scary if you lived on that, or if you're newly sober, and you can't go out at night. You know, the latest meeting here is really at 530 at night. So it kind of forced you to go virtual. So I think we're all in this pivot. And hopefully it gets back to a little more normal. You know, I work with a ton of collegiate recovery communities. So a lot of colleges have the sober support groups, and all of their leaders graduated over the last two years, and the kids couldn't really meet together, they're all down like 50 to 70% of their membership. So I think we're in a, an unprecedented time that we will realize how disruptive COVID was to the recovery community. So that being said, you're still alive, you got a chance to kind of get back on whatever that beam was before if it was church, or if it was working out. Or if it was, you know, I think I think we're going to really struggle with kind of the suicides and overdoses for the next couple of years because of what happened with COVID. So we think there is, you know, a great need to, really, for us to get our act together and be able to do what we do on a national basis.
Angela: Definitely, and you bring up a really, really good point, I think with, you know, obviously COVID is not over and we're still dealing with the repercussions of everything. So, just with all of that said, What have you found to be whether it's, you know, your personal experience, or in working with others, maybe not necessarily different, but, you know, may be different for different people, but just different ways that they've and you have, you know, coped during this time tools, you know, strategies, things like that, what have you found to be helpful that either people have pivoted towards or you've pivoted towards, without having that choice, right. If meetings are taken away, you can't physically you know, I know we've, we've done lots of things, you know, Allison, and I, you know, in pivoting online, right, but we know, that's not always going to be the best case scenario. And so what have you seen to be the most helpful in the last couple years.
Duke: So I actually did clubhouse for a while, which is an online social, almost like a social media, but it's kind of like a zoom, but you don't have your face, it's a character. And I found that to be helpful. When I was kind of in a jam and just needed a meeting now online that was real in person. There's x a speaker's dot org, and it's a free website, you can go to and download 12 steps, speakers, Al Anon. OA, a, and a different speakers are on there. And so you can kind of get really circuit level conference speakers, usually for about an hour, kind of telling their experience strength and hope that's really powerful for me, if I'm like in the car, and what I know, I'm going to be in the mountains losing cell service, so I can just download them beforehand. You know, I think as a guy who's 32 years sober, who like goes back to meetings, I always need to like, forget what I've learned before. Right? What worked in 1989, and the 90s, may not work in 22. And new kids are coming in, and they grown up on Zoom. And this is, you know, kind of their experience. And at least I need to remember that and then say, hey, look, you know, this is a meeting of whatever the 12 step is, we kind of stay on that topic to some degree, there's a solution in there. But don't Don't go in there thinking you need to get everything back to where it was in the 80s or the 90s. Like, like, this is a new world, we are all dealing with some new stuff, whether you realize it or not. So what else I'm sure there's a ton of like cool, different services that alumni groups are offering. So there's, you know, there's the virtual community and then there is the in person community and we are going towards this virtual community. So I think that is where we need to understand that what the generation wants, how do we support people, virtually, if that's kind of what the future is going to look like?
Allison: Well, you've certainly done a great job at providing it To alternatives both virtually and in person, and I'm so excited to see how this all evolves. Do you know I'm a huge fan of yours and just think that what you're doing is exceptional. And it has the Duke flair to it, which I love. Because I can remember from years ago before so Barry, I've started you talking about how much you enjoyed concerts, and you wanted to figure out cool ways to include sobriety and raves. And like all the things and like you figured it out, and you get to do it with your kids, too, which I think is so cool that you've really involved your family and this as well. And growing this and I know, that's just going to continue to to gain steam because it is needed. And as you said the way everything once was is no longer the world that we're in now. But there's a lot of really cool opportunities to bring people together to celebrate events and different experiences sober and to do it in a really safe way that builds community. And that's what you've been able to do. So we have one more question for you. And we love to ask every guest that comes on our show this question at this point in your life, what matters to you most right now?
Duke: Well, you mentioned kids, and I would say this nonprofit has had a very positive impact in my kid. So nothing like starting a nonprofit to help protect your kids and then forget your kids. So you know, want to make sure that doesn't happen. So, you know, kind of living, trying to live a spiritual way of life and asking my, you know, spirit to kind of lead me what he wants me to do and be without being too painful, which I usually add in there. But yeah, I am, I am blessed to have a 20 and 24 year old that they're in good safe places and try to be, you know, a good parent, I'm a single parent per se. So it's definitely you know, you're there's no rulebook in my 24 year old daughter's the polar opposite of my 20 year old son. But this seems to have had a really positive impact on him. And, you know, we don't do victory laps about kids until they're 50 Probably so. But what I would say, you know, the most important y that I have in my life is my kids and God tricked me into doing this for them, right? I'm selfishly started this for them, I know that and now he's like, Okay, now you got to help the rest of my kid. So that's kind of how this nonprofit is his growing and a little sideways at times, but God's in the room so it's really, really cool.
Angela: I'm sure it's been amazing to see that impact on on your family directly as well as just everything else. So we're so glad thank you for sharing that. Well, thank you again for being with us today. Could you share with our listeners how they can either follow you on social media or anywhere else where they can find you?
Duke: Sure. So you can go to a our website sober a f e.com. We also have sober a f e.org. Facebook is sober, AF entertainment. Tik Tok is sober AF entertainment. Yes, I have a tick tock account. It is horrible. It is really, really a so if there's somebody out there who wants to help us with our social media, we we need that. We got some cool stuff in the works. But so if you want yeah, also, Instagram is sober. aFe entertainment, I think I don't even know tell you the truth. So just look around Duke rumley are sober AF entertainment, or sober aFe. And you'll be able to find us on all the socials.
Allison: Well, we will make sure we track down all of those Duke and we'll put them in the show notes for everybody that's listening. Now, but I'm so glad we got to do this. Thank you again, for all you do. You are just a true light in this world. And I am honored to know you and thank you for coming on our show.
Duke: Thank you for that. And here's my ARS coffee mug. So I wanted to say thank you for that. But says saving lives is what I do.
Allison: Amen
Angela: Represent. Thanks so much Duke. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you're not already subscribed, we hope you join us regularly and please leave us a five star review wherever you get your podcasts. We hope that this podcast is beneficial to you and your wellness journey. Dear mind you matter is brought to you by Nobu, a new mental health and wellness app. You can download it today using the link in our show notes. We'll talk to you next time and until then remember, you and your mind matter