In this episode, Minaa B. talks to us about how to use the eight dimensions of wellness to take care of our mind, body, and spirit. We also talk about boundaries, why self-care isn’t just taking a bubble bath, and how self-care is inextricably linked to community care.
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Minaa B. is a writer, wellness coach, and licensed therapist based in NYC. Through speaking and workshop engagements, she teaches people how to cultivate self-care through the lens of boundaries and community care. You can learn more about Minaa by visiting www.minaab.com and following her on Instagram (@minaa_b).
Memorable Moments:
12:16: Boundaries are about recognizing that we can't be everything to everyone. It's about realizing that we all live in this house and if we don't put up some sort of fence, then we're allowing people to just walk all over our property with no safeguard, with no rules in place. We have to identify how we want to interact. We all have our own value systems and own beliefs.
18:46: We first have to do the work of really sitting with ourselves and doing the healing, because remember what happened to you is not your fault, but you are responsible for your healing.
22:07: Experience is always your greatest teacher, but you have to be willing to look at the experience and say "What do want to take away from this? What do I want to change moving forward?"
Dear Mind, You Matter is brought to you by NOBU, a new mental health, and wellness app. To download NOBU, visit the app store or Google Play.
This podcast is hosted by Allison Walsh and Dr. Angela Phillips. It is produced by Allison Walsh, Ashley Tate, and Nicole LaNeve. For more information or if you’re interested in being a guest on this podcast, please visit www.therecoveryvillage.com/dearmindyoumatter.
Allison: Hello and welcome to the Dear Mind, You Matter Podcast. My name is Allison Walsh, I’m a long time mental health advocate and Vice President at Advanced Recovery Systems. On each episode I will be joined by my colleague and clinical expert, Dr. Angela Phillips. This show along with our mental health and wellness app Nobu, are just some of the ways we are working to provide you with some actionable tips to take care of yourself each and every day.
So sit back, relax, and grab your favorite note taking device. It's time to fill your mind with things that matter.
Hello, and welcome to today's episode. We are so excited to welcome Minna B to the show. She’s a writer, wellness coach, and licensed therapist based in NYC. Through speaking and workshop engagements, she teaches people how to cultivate self-care through the lens of boundaries and community care. You can learn more about Minaa by visiting www.minaab.com and following her on Instagram (@minaa_b).
Okay, now let's get started.
Okay. Well, Mina B, welcome to the show today. Would you mind introducing yourself to our audience?
Minna B: Yes. So my name is Mina B, and I am a writer, wellness coach, and a licensed therapist based in New York City.
Allison: And you've really built your business, your brand, and, and really enhanced your presence. Would you mind just talking a little bit more about how all that got started?
Minna B: The moment I started to share a lot more in social media, by providing education and insight into mental health, how to take care of ourselves, how to manage our wellbeing, how to erect boundaries, how to find community and being part of a community that started to build a lot of traction.
And I guess it's because as people, we all yearn for connection, we all want to learn how to take better care of ourselves, where we also want to learn how to be in better relationships with other people that we're doing life with on a daily basis.
So, I feel like the moment I started to pivot and just share more of that educational content is when things just started to grow for my company, for my brand on social media, my page. So I think that, it really just wires down to people's needs and me helping to fill a gap in some sort of way that the common person might have to actually visit a therapist for, now they get that insight and content through a social media post or through an article that I write.
Angela: Yes, we absolutely love your answers, content, Mina, and all the amazing work you're doing and just how it's so well aligned with the issues we're trying to address and really shed more light on. Um, but when I went exploring a bit more about you and what you put out there, one of the things I noticed, uh, actually I think it was directly from your website, there's this handy self care guide that you have available as a download.
Um, and so I was just looking at that the other day and I love it so much. I wish I had something like that when I first started working in mental health. But, it's funny because I was telling Alison it really struck me so much in just reading that first page, what you had there even just about what self care means, because I remember having.
A few clients and friends, even in the past few years, that would just come to me and say, if someone tells me to take another bubble bath or get another manicure, I'm literally going to scream because it's not helpful. And no one would really seem to be able to help them get to that place where they could truly understand what's going to be helpful, self care to them.
Right. So that bubble bath may be what works for one person, but it's certainly not what works for somebody else. So one of the things I love to hear more from you about here is just sort of what that concept of self-care means to you. And what's been helpful for you in kind of identifying or helping other people to identify how to get at what is going to be helpful for them.
Minaa B: Yeah. I mean, it's a common complaint and I completely get it. You know, self care is definitely marketed as a bubble bath or a spa or a vacation. And when I hear these messages, what I find is the first thing I would say is there's nothing wrong with doing any of those things. I'm not here to belittle them.
Um, because Hey, taking a bath can be great, but that's, if it works for you and if it's something you actually need in the moment, you know, and I find that. Um, a lot of the confusion is that sometimes self care is packaged as self-soothing techniques. So when I think of what self care,it's pretty vague, but I like to boil it down to doing the things that you need to take care of your mind, body, and spirit.
Um, and the reason why I leave it so vague is because only, you know, what you need to take care of yourself, but you want to ensure that you're being taken care of within these different dimensions of the body. Now, when it comes to self-soothing, soothing is a technique that we would use when we become emotionally dysregulated.
So that could happen, let's say we experienced something really traumatic, or even if it's not traumatic, we experienced something that's very triggering. Where it causes us to feel unbalanced, it causes us to feel dysregulated. It takes away our ability to problem solve. We're not thinking clearly, um, our judgment is clouded.
And in cases, when you're feeling dysregulated, you might need to take a bath or you might need to go on that walk, or you might need to just pause and take a drink of water. Those are great grounding techniques that you can use when you are dysregulated, but when it comes to self care, we want to figure out what is causing the dysregulation in the first place.
Right. So, like I said earlier, we get triggered by something that causes us to become dysregulated. We want to know what is the trigger and we want it now, now that we've identified what the trigger is, we can create self care remedies around that while also engaging in this. Soothing as a way to, uh, balance caring for ourselves while also regulating ourselves.
And I think that is a message that often gets lost in translation. When we talk about self care, because we leave it on the surface and we say, take the bath, going on the vacation, but hey, if you're having a lot of problems at home and you're going on vacation every week, then it's like, you're going to return home.
To the same life that you keep trying to run away from. So it's really about recognizing, is the activity that I'm engaging in, Is it actually helping me deal with the problem in front of me or is it causing me to avoid deny? Pretend it doesn't exist as a way to cope, but the problem still consistently exists.
And I think that's a great way for people to identify. Am I really practicing self care in the moment.
Angela: You know, I really appreciate you differentiating between self-soothing and self care. Extremely important distinctions to make. This also reminds me of, I think it's the eight dimensions of wellness that you speak to as well.
And as I've worked with, you know, a lot of these concepts in the past, you know, we're trained a lot, uh, as, as therapists and in certain areas around sort of really helping people to see and identify core values. But I think a lot of what you're getting at, It really goes beyond that. So can you say a bit more about how these eight dimensions of wellness tie in to self care?
Minaa B: Yeah. Yes, of course. So the eight dimensions of wellness I'll list them off, which is emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, environmental, financial, occupational, and social. So those eight dimensions pretty much makeup, our mental, emotional, and psychological well being, which is what mental health is.
When we think about mental health, we are not only, thinking about our emotions. We also need to take into account our cognitive abilities. We need to take into account how the environment, how society shapes us, how it plays a role in our wellness, how we feel about ourselves. We also have to take into account resources.
So financial self care often doesn't get talked about as much as it should. However, your financial state does have an impact on your mental wellbeing, your job, your occupational health has an impact on your mental wellbeing, the quality of your relationships. The people that you are dating, the people that you're in friendships with, even your family has an impact on your mental wellbeing.
So these dimensions, when we break them down into the eight dimensions, I feel like it's very helpful for people to pinpoint, you know what, I'm really realizing that I'm feeling okay, but my biggest source of stress is my finances. And when you have these eight dimensions, it helps you to realize this is where the stress is coming from.
So now I see when I look at these, this whole list, it's emotionally I feel great, spiritually I've been feeling great. Um, but also remembering that that these dimensions are interconnected. And so you might find that work-wise, I feel horrible and it's also probably tied to my financial stress. And when we're dealing with financial stress, that now gets tied to our emotional wellness.
So these dimensions are used as a guide for people to be able to pinpoint. Can you assess where the stress is coming from, but also, can you assess how the stress might be altering different parts of your wellbeing? So again, to go deeper, when I'm dealing with stress, it shows up somatically. So that can come up as dealing with muscle pain, uh, dealing with, um, high cholesterol being pre-diabetic.
I know so many people who are like, my doctor told me I'm pre-diabetic and all these different things. Right? What has the factors that go into it? Cause now we're talking about physical health and stress does take a toll on the body. Stress impacts the immune system. Stress does so many things to our bodies, conditions, all of that.
So I find that when we can look at ourselves through these eight dimensions and recognizing that we are not people who are just broken up into pieces, right. I always like to say, if you break your ankle, that also impacts the way you walk. Right. So when one part of the body is aching, the rest of the body is going to hurt.
It's going to be impacted in some sort of way. So use these eight dimensions as a way to get to the root of what's happening and see how it's also impacting other parts of your wellbeing.
Allison: And I love how you talk about how interconnected it all is, because that's a message that we're always trying to promote is that, you know, you have to be mentally and physically, well, you need to look at the whole picture what's going on.
What's, what's tying into the way that you're feeling, what's contributing to all of this and it makes it, I love the eight dimensions because it's easy to say like, okay, let's put these things in buckets and which one, you know, just really illuminated and then causing more issues, but you know, kind of going from there to, you know, once you identify those things and you realize, okay, there's good things, there's bad things.
There's things, there are people I need to stay away from or activities or their sources of stress. You know, those, sometimes you got to put some boundaries in place, right. So, so important to have good boundaries and especially. We're all kind of adjusting to some new boundaries now that we've established as a result of the new world, our new normal.
Um, so would you mind sharing just a little bit more about how important those are in self care and how we take care of ourselves?
Minaa B: Yeah. You know, boundaries are about recognizing that we can't be everything to everyone. You know, it's about realizing that we all live in this house, and if we don't put up some sort of fence, then we're allowing people to just walk all over our property with no safeguard, with no, rules in place.
And as people living in a society amongst other people, we have to identify, how do we want to interact with, with other people that we come in contact with? You know, other people cannot define that for us because we all have our own value systems, our own beliefs. And so, I assume that people know how to be in relationship with me.
I have to teach them. So I might have to just put this fence up around my house and let people know. Yes, you're invited. But when you're invited in, these are the rules for interacting within my territory. Or you might say you're actually not invited in at all. Right. This is why that fence is there. But remember too, with that fence, there's always a gate.
Attached to a fence, right? So boundaries are not about building walls where no one can get in. It's about building that fence so that people know that they have a right to interact with you. They have permission to interact with you, but there are certain rules in place that if they want to be in relationship with you, that this is the request that you want them to honor, you know?
And so when we think about. Are those eight dimensions and our wellbeing. We also have to pay attention to how many people are we allowing to trample over that fence. Right. Are there people who are just walking through the gate without permission? Are there people who are literally just trying to push the fence down?
Are there people who we've invited in that refuse to leave? Right. You know, we have to utilize this as a way to ensure, um, what can we do to take care of our mental health. So, what do I need to say no to, um, who do I need to say no to, because also remember when you're saying yes to something you're saying no to something else.
Right. And so we have to be mindful of what is deserving of my yes. Do I have the capacity when I say yes, you were invited in, do I have the capacity to show up for you and your needs right now? Do I have the capacity to be the thing that you need me to be, because we can't be everything to everyone.
Um, are there going to be times where I have to, you know, find strategies on learning to say no to people, but I also want to share that boundaries is not just about the interactions we have with others. It's also about what we do with ourselves. So sometimes we have to be the ones to erect the boundary with our own selves around who am I going to share information with?
Right. People can't know my information unless I share it. Right. And so one, am I choosing to share information with people who are trustworthy, people who are pouring into me. Am I in relationships with people who it feels one-sided or it feels like I am poor and Invest. Um, I pretty much sustained the whole relationship and it's becoming very tiring.
What is a boundary that I need to wreck with myself? Um, another thing is outside of people, what are some habits that I have that may not be beneficial for my well being? So earlier I talked about financial self-care is the common thing we don't talk about. So if I know I'm struggling financially, am I living within my needs?
Am I spending money on things that I know I don't have the funds to spend on it right now. Right. You know, that's a boundary that you might have to erect with yourself. No one else can do that for you, right? You are in control of your own spending habits. So that means you have to put limitations in place to safeguard yourself from doing things that can impact your well being.
Angela: Well, Yeah. And that financial piece is so important, but you know, continues to be so challenging for people to talk about, right. Because it's one of those very, you know, sometimes, you know, taboo or private areas that we just tend not to share. So although it's great that we're now creating so much more of a community and space around talking about health and mental health and how interconnected they are.
Really great point that these seemingly separate issues, right. Are so connected with, you know, how we think and how we feel and just overall health and wellbeing. So I think you really give a lot of great suggestions around how to kind of self-reflect on that and, and how we can dig into some of these boundaries, that we have around finances and how to be just more mindful about the impact that that has, uh, just to pivot slightly, one of the things you've also talked about a lot in your work that I'd love to hear a little bit more about is around, you know, community and self care. And then also if you've seen any shifts in how people are approaching community, as a result of, you know, where our society is with recent changes over the past.
Minaa B: Yeah. I mean, community is vital. You know, when we think about the way the world rotates and the way that, you know, things just happen through life, we're all connected in some sort of way. We all want connection. We all want acceptance. We all want belonging. You know, a lot of us, I think pretty much everyone can say that they desire connection with other people.
Um, and so. The bridge between the way I like to see self care is I believe self-care is the bridge to community care. And the reason why I say that, Is because in order to be in community, that means we are bringing our full selves to the communities that we're engaging with. Right. And sometimes our full selves can have a lot of wounds that when they are not taken care of, we have the ability to harm the people that we desire to be in community with.
So if I'm depleted and I don't have boundaries and I'm still struggling with my trauma, I have some deep seated issues that I just have not healed from. Chances are I might end up harming you. We all know the phrase hurt people, hurt people. Right? And so the reason why I feel like self-care is the bridge to community care is because we have to recognize that we bring our full selves to our communities.
And so I already ideologies our values, our beliefs. That's how, that's what we bring to the table. And we want to ensure that what we're bringing to the table does not cause harm to the people that we want to be in community with. So we first have to do the work, really sitting with ourselves, doing the healing work, because remember what happened, she was not your fault, but you are responsible for your healing, right?
As people meant to grow and evolve, and so there are going to be times where you're holding on to ideologies that are outdated. You're holding on to ideologies and beliefs that actually are oppressive to other people you're holding onto ideologies that are actually self repressing. Right. You're oppressing yourself with your own limited beliefs.
And so, and then what, what do we do with that? We project it onto other people when I'm insecure, I can't celebrate you. When I'm insecure and I see you succeeding, I'm angry. When I'm insecure, I blame you for my insecurity, right? Those are issues that we have to take care of. So self care and community care has consistently connected, because at the end of the day, we're always striving to be in community and in relationships with people, but we can't expect people to change us. And we can't expect people to do the healing work for us. We have to be willing to do it for ourselves, you know, especially in a world where we, we start families in a world where we built friendships and a world where we're trying to break into generational trauma and curses that we've been dealing with.
It starts with us, as the individual, if we don't like something, we have to be willing to change it. And when we want to strive to be in relationship with people, we also have to self-reflect and ask ourselves, what am I bringing to the table? Is it possible that I'm harming the person that I'm in community with?
So, I just say all that to say that I think that when we strive to learn more about ourselves, as well as people, we can definitely build healthier relationships with one another.
Allison: I love everything you just said. And I, and I loved how you said, you know, you're not responsible for what you've gone through that hurt, but you are responsible for the healing piece and how important it is for us to be mindful of how we show up.
And a lot of the times, I mean, I'm just even thinking. When I get stressed out or there's a lot going on, or maybe I haven't had those, my fence wasn't big enough. Right? Like I was letting too many people in and, you know, just wearing myself out then how I show up for my community is tired, drained, depleted, not present.
Right. Like all those things. And it's like, you know, You broke it down in such a way that it was so easy for me to really think about examples in my own life and what I can do to fix it and make it better. So thank you for doing that. Appreciate it. Um, so what are some of the resources that have helped you along the way?
Right. You've, you've obviously do amazing work, and provide so much for others, but where do you get all of this insight or information or life lessons from?
Minaa B: I think my biggest life lessons are life experiences. You know, I, I also get the benefit of I've been a therapist for close to 10 years now. So I also get the added benefit of being able to be In community with other people who are on this journey to healing.
So being able to be exposed to very intimate stories and just reflecting on those stories as well, you know, because those are real lived experiences. And so, experience to me is always going to be your greatest teacher. Um, but again, you have to be willing to look at that experience and say, what do I want to take away from this?
Right. What did I like about it? What did I not like about it? And now what do I want to change moving forward? So that has often been, been the biggest help as well as like I said, clients stories will also be in connection and community with our friends, my families, my peers. Hearing people's stories is honestly one of the most fascinating things, because you get to learn about why people are the way they are.
You know, you get to learn what happened to them that made them the way that they are. And when we can sit with people in that vulnerable place, we can develop a greater level of compassion, but we can also have a better insight into the duality of our emotions, where it's like, I can have compassion for you, but I can also erect a boundary around you.
Right. So I find that that is often like the biggest thing that drives me. Outside of that, of course, reading books, listening to Ted talks. Some of my favorite books have been ‘How We Show Up’, by Mia Birdsong, which is a book around community building. Um, and because community is my thing that's been, just that was such a powerful book to read.
I'm currently reading ‘What Happened to You’ by Dr. Perry and Oprah Winfrey, um, which is also a really good book around, just understanding trauma, childhood trauma, how it impacts us as adults. And I really liked to listen to Ted talks, you know, um, I, I enjoy it.
They’re like small bites of really great information, and nowadays I find myself having to, uh, digest things in small amounts because I'm so busy that the act of reading a book, the way I used to like sitting down, having an hour or three hours cars to read a book has slimmered down over these last few months because of my schedule.
Um, so being able to do, just take certain things in, even listening to podcasts, you know, I think Brené Brown, “Unlocking Us” is probably one of my favorite podcasts. Yeah. You know, so those are different ways that I keep up and different ways that I stay informed and educated.
Angela: Absolutely so many great tools out there, but you're right with, with so many resources.
Sometimes it's hard to really keep our focus in one direction. Right. So I really love podcasts obviously, and I think they are fantastic just because, you know, you can just hit pause and then come right back to where you left off. Um, but Mina, one of the things we like to ask all of our guests that I want to ask you is with where you are at in your life right now, in this moment, what matters most to you?
Minaa B: In this moment, protecting my peace is what matters to me. That is, that is going to, that is the thing that has kept me going this last year and a half regarding this pandemic. And I feel like that is the thing I'm going to cling to, as I keep navigating forward.
Allison: Well, I love that. So well, thank you Mina, for being on the show today, you shared so much valuable information and just the way that you explain things is so beautiful and that it's easy to comprehend and understand and apply to our own lives.
And thank you for all of the work that you're doing and for being such a voice for mental health awareness and connection community building all of it. It is so critical and so important. And clearly there's a lot of people out there looking for that type of information and you've been a, such a wonderful source of it.
So thank you for what you do.
Minaa B: Thank you, both for having me.
Angela: Yes again, thank you so much, Mina. So, you know, why don't you tell our listeners how we can either follow you on social media or just get more information about you and what you're doing out there or otherwise.
Minaa B: Yes, of course. So you can find me on social media on Instagram @minaa_b, and I'm also on Twitter with my name, Mina B, and you can also find me at my website where you can interact with me and download that self care worksheet and my website is www.minaab.com
Allison: Thank you so much Minaa B. We are so grateful for you and look forward to following your journey as you continue to evolve and grow too. So thank you.
Angela: Thank you, Mina.
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode.
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