In this episode, we talk to Dave Armstrong (Sensei Dave) about how to set and actually achieve your big goals. We also talk about self efficacy, showing up for yourself and impacting the lives of others.
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Memorable Moments:
5:10 There's a road to anything that we want to do in life. Right? No matter what it is, there's a road. The road may be long, the road may be short, but there's a road.
5:20 And so when we talk about self efficacy, we talk about goal setting, and we talk about self confidence, what I see is a lot of people don't realize that they have to set these small, tangible goals and build to their big goal.
8:06 So self efficacy is “I am able to.” [It’s] what you believe you are able to do.
11:53 There is no one way to make yourself happy. There just isn't. There's a bunch of things that you can try that are out there.
13:16 The better physical condition you are in, the more likely you will be happy and healthy and productive and do the things in your life that you want to do, that you deserve to do.
14:28 There's some grit to it at the beginning. And the grit part is to make it a habit. That's grit. Like, there's some tricks to making things a habit, but when it comes down to it, it’s going to just take you going “this is what I'm going to do.”
17:16 Before one seeks a mentor or to be around people that they would like to emulate or positive influences in their lives, they need to recognize the negative influences in their lives. Wow, I want to say that one more time. If someone is bad for you, get them out of your life.
19:43 A lot of people want to succeed in their lives, they want to be happier, they want to be in a better place, yet they keep the negative influences in their lives, and they can't for the life of them figure out why they keep the negative things or people in their lives.
20:25 So cutting off our negative or limiting if we have to, our negatives, in our environment is just as important as looking at what we can do to surround ourselves with the positives and the people that we need to surround ourselves with.
22:20 I want to have an impact in the world, continue to help people, continue to inspire people and really make a difference in people's lives.
24:14 But no matter who you are, you're going to have setbacks, you're going to have difficulties, you're going to have losses, you're going to have breakups, you're going to have you know, grandparents and parents pass away…these things will happen to us, I don't care who you are. And we can choose to let those experiences define us. Or, we can let those experiences help us move on to better places in our lives.
27:39 And if you're in a good place, then I would offer up your services to help others. And this book will inspire you to not just help at-risk youth, but seek to give, because we are all connected, and we can be so much more connected. And when we're in good places, we can do amazing things for people that we don't know.
28:33 I wake up in the morning and say, How can I leave a positive impression? How can I help someone, how can I do something to make someone realize that they have some amazing abilities and beauty inside them that they can unleash?
29:12 But I guarantee you, once you make that initial step, everything will get easier. It just takes you showing up for yourself.
Dear Mind, You Matter is brought to you by NOBU, a new mental health, and wellness app. To download NOBU, visit the app store or Google Play.
This podcast is hosted by Allison Walsh and Dr. Angela Phillips. It is produced by Allison Walsh, Savannah Eckstrom, and Nicole LaNeve. For more information or if you’re interested in being a guest on this podcast, please visit www.therecoveryvillage.com/dearmindyoumatter.
Allison: 00:03
Okay, well, sensei Dave, we are so excited to have you on our show today, would you mind introducing yourself to our audience,
Dave Armstrong 00:11
I am super excited to be here with both of you amazing ladies that are doing amazing things in this world. So about me, I am just a guy with a big smile and a big heart i i grew up in foster care and juvenile detention centers, I was just sharing on an on another zoom call that I was arrested when I was 11 years old for armed robbery and fell in the arm armed robbery. My mom died when I was 12. And, and so there was a lot of in between that we'll get into, but now I'm retired in in beautiful Greece with this amazing life. And I just I love to share how I got here, not just not just in a motivational inspirational sense, but in a tangible, how can you also do the things in your life, to get to where you want to be wherever that is.
Angela: 01:12
And I know everybody wants to hear more about that. And you have such a great story. And there's so much we can dig into here. So I'm gonna jump in, because I know there are certain things that you really tend to, you know, hit the nail on the head with others that we've heard about and just kind of seeing other engagements speaking that you've done. Give our listeners somewhat of a sense of what sort of aspect goals have as being a such a big part of managing our mental and behavioral health. So why is that such a thing? Right? Like we set goals, we check them off our list, it sort of feels to some people like this thing that hangs over us, but really tell us, how will they impact us why they're important, and how they kind of feed into you know, our motivation or self efficacy. Just give us a bit more on that and how that has applied to you as well.
Dave Armstrong 02:09
Oh, I love it. So I was having a conversation with a client of mine the other day. And this particular person tends to set huge, amazing goals and he actually studies this this self development world, right. He is so like into it. Tony Robbins, I mean, he can recite things like all that. He has all of this knowledge. Right. And he has these goals. He'll come to me since a Dave look I wanted I want to get this into Zach. Okay, okay, cool. Yeah. Hey, you know what I started doing? I started doing cold showers. You know, I'm loving it. Okay. Oh, that's cool. I love it. All. You know what, I'm starting to do this. I'm journaling now. Okay. Okay. Those are those are great things. And, and then nothing. And I go, how are you doing with this goal? Well, you know, go, No, I don't know. Tell me Tell me. You know, how are you doing with it? What's what's up with? Oh, I don't know. You know, I don't feel like I can really do that. You know, it's not it's not that. I'm quoting him. He said, It's not that I don't feel like I can do it. I just don't feel like I can get there. Well, yeah, there's a road to anything that we want to do in life. Right? No matter what it is, there's a road, the road may be long, the road may be short, but there's a road. And so when we talk about self efficacy, we talked about goal setting, and we talked about self confidence. What I see is a lot of people don't realize that they have to set these small, tangible goals and build to their big goal. So it's, it's a road, like I said, it's a road and we all want the end of the road. And I don't want to be like every other motivational speaker and say, you know, keep your eye on the prize and did it. But the truth is, when we have these big life impacting amazing goals, whatever it is, a million bucks in the bank, a million people that you've influenced and impacted in a positive way. That's my goal, whatever your goal is, when you start looking at that big goal, and you're fixated on it, and then you go back to where you're at, and then you look at that big goal, and then you go back to where you at, you can't help but to go. That's never gonna happen. Not me, I why, you know, how in the world am I going to get there? How in the world am I going to impact 1 million people? How in the world am I going to have a million dollars in the bank? So what I shared with this particular client is I said he had a financial goal, and I don't do financial planning or Goal setting for anyone. I've been fortunate enough to make enough money to save and disciplined relatively enough to save and then retire and all of this stuff. But I said to him, I said, your goal is to save or be a millionaire is what his his actual goal was, I want to I want to be a millionaire and I go, Okay, that's a great goal. But are you? Are you 100 Nair? You know, do you have 100 euro in the bank? Do you have 1000 euro in the bank? Do you have 2000? Do you have 10,000. And so, to wrap that particular point up, when we go, alright, here's my big, you know, lofty goal, I want a million bucks, we need to go. Okay, that's it. That's up top. Now, what does it take to get there? Well, it takes me being a little more discipline, how do I become a little more discipline? Well, I can save 100 bucks every month, done. And after three months, four months, what happens is, you release some dopamine in your in your brain, and you go, wow, I was able to save 1000 bucks over the last 10 months. And what that does is it gives you the self efficacy. So setup self efficacy is I am able to what you believe you are able to do. And so it gives you that tangible self efficacy because you've done it. And then you go well, if I save 1000, I could save 10,000. Or I could save 5000. And then before you know it, when you get to that point, right, you're traveling through that road, you get to the point where now you have you know, 100,000 in the bank that you've saved up over the last 510 years, you can say I am going to be a millionaire. And that's not that's not so like lofty, that's not this, like long goal, because you've built and built and built and you've given yourself a pat on the back on the along the way in that journey. And you've said, Yeah, you know what, I can do this. And I've done this, and I can do this, and I've done this. And that just perpetuates on itself. And this is just the truth about anything, anything in life. It could be like I said, a small road or a big road. But boy, when we start learning how to do that, right? And not this, this, you know, Bs Oh, I feel good pat on my back. Because I woke up this morning and took a shower, I don't want you to I don't want you to feel good about doing something normal. I want you to feel good about doing something that's on the road to your goal. Right? Now, look, if you don't, I'm sorry. I could just go on and on. No,
Allison: 07:52
no, it's fine. It makes a big difference that because I love goals. So like I could stay and play here all afternoon because this is like my favorite topic. But you know, when it comes to course, if you're using financial goals as an example, you know, we talk a lot about like our mental and emotional well being and wellness and like, you're absolutely right, some people will go to the extreme right thinking that that's really what they're striving for when really, if you can back it up into micro goals, you can break it down into daily steps, those steps, right, like every day that you consciously make a step towards that goal. You're building your stamina, right? Like you're building your confidence, you're building your resilience, you're learning more about yourself, because it is it you know, it's as much about the journey and what you learn about yourself in the process of accomplishing the goal as it is when you get to that end goal. And then you got to reset and do it again. So I am curious, have you seen this be really effective when it comes to mental wellness, behavioral wellness, mental health? Talk to us about goals in that context to
Dave Armstrong 08:58
absolutely so here's the truth with our vast amount of access to knowledge out there good and bad, but but I'll use good knowledge, right? We don't want to say all but a lot of us have the ability to find something that will work for our mental well being, be it journaling. How do I form a habit to start journaling? Because journaling makes me feel good. How do I form a habit to wake up what I do my routine every single day. I get up I do not take cold showers. I don't like them. It didn't work for me. I tried it. I didn't like it. It didn't do anything for me. I stopped doing it. Okay. Done. What I do, do I meditate every morning for 10 minutes. I do breathing exercises for five minutes. I stretch for another 10 minutes or so maybe a little longer and I Do this every morning because I really enjoy it. And I found that it works for me. There is no one way to make yourself happy. There just isn't. There's a bunch of things that you can try that are out there you go, you can go to you guys. Have you know Nobu and and have these reminders and do these exercises and, and see what works and what doesn't. And when it works, you just you, you, you tenfold that you 10 exit, you go, Okay, I like it, and then you got to make it a habit. How do we make these habits? Well, you know, some of it's just discipline, just draw discipline, like, I will do this in whatever it takes, you know, I have some clients that say positive self talk works for them, it doesn't work for me, I don't like it. But if it works for you, great. I am this type of person, I am a person that does yoga in the morning, I am a person that that goes to the gym, I put my shoes in front of the door, because I want to start running, that doesn't work for me. But that doesn't mean it doesn't work for you, if you're trying to increase your fitness and your health, because we know fitness is directly tied to our mental health 100%, right. And so the better physical condition you are in, the more likely you will be happy and healthy and productive and do the things in your life that you want to do that you deserve to do. Right. And we understand we know that, you know, we don't need to lie to ourselves and say otherwise. So the point is, there's a ton of information out there, there's a ton of ways to do.dot.to Increase your fitness to help your mental health to be a happier person to work on your aggression. And it takes you the listener to say it's time, it's time, I don't want to be the guy that's running people off the road anymore, when they cut me off. Because the last time that happened, I ended up in jail or wrecking my car, I don't want to do this anymore, it's time and then seek and then try and then see what works and what doesn't work. And when it works, you can exit, you make it a part of who you are your life, your daily routine. And it's there's some grit to it at the beginning. And the grit part is to make it a habit. That's grit. Like, there's some tricks to making things a habit, but the when it comes down to it, it's it's going to just take you going, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to yoga class, I don't care what else is going on. At four o'clock, I leave my house and I'm at yoga at 430. Because it's good for you
Angela: 13:06
know, that brings up so much for me as I'm thinking about this too, because we talk a lot about, you know, when working with people who struggle with, you know, depression, or what have you just, you name it, essentially, behavioral activation, or just getting to that point where you can get up Get Moving get going is a huge barrier, right. But we know that that's really the momentum that gets people to that next step. And it's so huge. But in that process, and when we're really looking at, you know, creating, you know, whether it's more resilience, or more, you know, tools in our toolbox, we know that different aspects specifically and I know you've spoken about this before, in relation to really creating more resilience that will then get us to that next step, that there are so many components, and one of those things I want to just pivot to as having people around us that we can look to that, you know, give us that example of maybe where we want to be or who we want to emulate. And it's really about that level of you know, even mentorship if somebody takes us under their wing or you know, even unbeknownst to us or them we see them as we're, you know, a child growing, whether it's you know, someone that we we we trust as a family friend, or we just know, you know, through another source. So, you know, you have this new book out who is it? And I know that you speak to a lot of your personal experience that can you tell us more about how those relationships have impacted you and how this has influenced your path and just really that level of importance. I don't feel like we touch on that a lot.
Dave Armstrong 14:48
Yeah, that's that's a great point Angeles. So I'm gonna I'm gonna go to the opposite end of that spectrum. First, I'm going to say before ones seeks a mentor or to be around people that they would like to emulate or positive influences in their lives. They need to they need to recognize the negative influences in their lives. Wow, I want to say that one more time. If someone is bad for you get them out of your life. And I know that's pretty harsh. Yet, that's the reality. I'll share a quick story I used to teach a free women's self defense class. So I owned martial arts schools in the States before I retired degrees. And one of the things that I'd love to do is teach people how to defend themselves truly defend themselves. And I started teaching for an organization called Tessa and they worked with women that were being battered by their spouses. And these women were amazing, beautiful souls that would come into my martial arts school, and I would teach them how to defend themselves and how to look out for different scenarios and situations. Yet, what I saw time and time again, and we you know, from a psychology standpoint, we understand why but I would see from time and time again, they would go back to their abusers. We go back to what we're familiar with what we're comfortable with, we biologically, physiologically, through level, you know, through evolution, and you know, primitively, we want to be comfortable, our our minds want complacency and to be in a comfortable space. And what you don't know is uncomfortable. And so that's why so many people don't, don't seek what they don't know, they don't, they don't put themselves in situations where they're totally foreign to something. And it's like, Oh, my goodness, I got to figure out the language and how to do this or that. And you know, and so, of course, there's, in this case, more tangible things with these ladies, because a lot of times they don't have the financial means to leave their abusers. But the point is, we do like to be comfortable. And the way I'll tie this back is, what we'll see is a lot of people want to succeed in their lives, they want to be happier, they want to be in a better place, yet they keep the negative influences in their lives, and they can't for the life of them figure out why they keep the negative things in their life, or people in their lives. And it doesn't necessarily have to be people, it can be things to write it. So you keep yourself surrounded by stuff that is not part of that path that you want to be on to be a better person or to have better mental health or to be in a more safe, mentally and physically place. Right. So cutting off our negative or limiting if we have to our negative in our environment is just as important as looking at what we can do to surround ourselves with the positives and the people that we need to surround ourselves with.
Allison: 18:24
And we talk all the time about people places and things, right, the triggers the things that keep pulling us back into the negative behaviors or the things we know we shouldn't be doing. But we continue to do. And you know, for so many people, it means you have to start over. And that can be hard and it can be scary, but it is 1,000% worth it. And I guarantee when you get to the other side and you've done the work and you've got great people around you and you're in a healthy environment and you're doing the things that you need to do to honor yourself first and your own wellness mentally and physically. You're gonna look back and just be so grateful for those really hard first few steps. Right? And it's it makes all the difference. But now I want to pivot because I love a good speaking competition. And I heard through the grapevine that you just won one and I would love to hear more about this like so. How did you win because there were 14 countries represented in this competition like 200 people? What did you talk about? I'm fascinated give us all
Dave Armstrong 19:27
Yeah, so you know, I've been I've been a public speaker for a while and then you know, I retired about five years ago moved to Greece and said, I did it I've done some amazing things for some amazing people I've contributed to the world and I worked to the point where I can retire I'm going to retire and I'm gonna see sit Mohit those on the beaches of Greece. But for two years, for two years I did this and then after I said, Man, I'm this is not really this is Not me, I want to have an impact in the world continue to help people continue to inspire people and really make a difference in people's lives. So I came out of retirement built unlimited potential network Academy, which, you know, we teach a bunch of life coaching stuff. And, you know, we try to just help people. But besides that, I doubled down on my speaking ability and, you know, put myself out there and, you know, tried to get some more speaking gigs, join Toastmasters to tourists try to have that collaboration. And, you know, although I didn't need the training, per se, and speaking, I really enjoyed the environment. So I decided to compete in this, this competition for Toastmasters. And it's been it's been amazing, I keep winning and winning and winning. And boy talk about self efficacy right. And confidence in No, I didn't have a lack of competence at all, probably too much confidence most of the time. But I started winning the competition's and what I'm what I'm sharing with people the story and inspiration is that we can take our past and make our past serve us and the title of this speech that has been winning is, is your past, serving you or starving you. And it's all about taking the negative things that we will experience. I don't care who you are, you can be born into a very fluent family rich and have everything you're still going to experience life or you can be born in into an environment that is extremely difficult in a war torn country. And you're going to really experience life. But no matter who you are, you're going to have setbacks, you're going to have difficulties, you're going to have losses, you're going to have breakups, you're going to have you know, grandparents and parents pass away, these things will happen to us, I don't care who you are. And we can choose to let those experiences define us. Or we can let those experiences help us move on to better places in our lives. And that's what the speech is, is all about. It's it's been resonating with I get messages all the time with from people that it just has impacted. And I love I just love it. I love that's my reward is knowing that someone has overcome something I recently received a message from someone that said, my mom died last year. And I've been holding on to that until I heard your speech. And wow, I I realized that I can I can let it go. And I can move on and use this experience to better myself and others. So yeah, I'm lucky.
Angela: 23:06
Sounds like an amazing speech. And it also makes me think about guilty. I haven't read the complete book yet. But what I know of it. And so what I'm what I'm thinking to is, you know, give us a synopsis of what someone would be looking at if you know, sort of pursuing looking into your book more who is this for? What you know, it's similar to your speech, which has clearly touched so many people. And to the point where they're reaching out to you, they're sharing more, which I can only imagine how amazing that is. Who is the book for,
Dave Armstrong 23:43
you know, the books for anyone that reads it, even if you don't read by it and get get somebody to read it to you. Um, look, I wrote the book, it's an autobiography, I share a lot of the tragedies and in the perseverance as well as the bright side of life, or at least my life in the book, and I pour it all out. And so a lot of times, people that are working with caring, I call them caring adults, people that are working with at risk youth kids that grew up like I did, I grew up in the hood. My mom was a drunk, she passed away when I was 12 years old, my dad used to beat me and my mom. My first arrest was when I was 11 years old for armed robbery. I used to do all kinds of stuff. And unfortunately, most of the people that I grew up with are either dead or in jail. As cliche as that sounds, that's just the truth. And I write my foster brother who's in prison prison, but two foster brothers who's who's in prison one for life. And the other one got 26 years and I write them every month and I don't want that for people. And I think that Anyone that picks up this book and says and reads it will say, You know what, I can do great things in my life, it'll, it'll at least give them some sort of tangible reason to go. I can like if this guy did, I can. And if if you're in a good place, then I would offer up your services to help others. And this book will inspire you to not just help at risk youth, but seek to give, because we are all connected, and we can be so much more connected. And when we're in good places, we can do amazing things for people that we don't know. Yeah, that's it. That's it.
Allison: 25:51
I love it. Your message is so important and impactful and motivating. And I am really grateful that we had the chance to spend some time with you. But we do not let any of our guests leave our show without answering a very important question for us. So since they Dave, at this point in your life, what matters most to you right now?
Dave Armstrong 26:13
impacting others? I wake up in the morning and say, How can I leave a positive impression? How can I help someone, how can I do something to make someone realize that they have some amazing abilities and beauty inside them that they can unleash? Unfortunately, I can't do it for you. I wish I could do it for everyone. I wish I could do the hard work for everyone. But that initial step. That's that's incumbent upon everyone that's hearing this podcast. But I guarantee you, once you make that initial step, everything will get easier. It just takes you showing up for yourself. And that's, that's what I want to do is I really did have, do have a goal. And that's to positively impact 1 million people in 2022. And every day, I get to wake up with this amazing life today. Because we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. And I am okay with not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow because I have the day. And when I wake up and I'm healthy and and of sound mind I get to figure out ways of positively impacting 1 million people.
Angela: 27:36
That's a great goal. And I'm so glad there are people like you in the world that can share, you know, personal experiences and have the, you know, privilege and ability to be able to put that in a book right and share that with people, but then be able to touch so many lives and really impact people to that that degree. And hopefully, you know, create that spark that you've seen to get them on on a similar path or whatever direction it is that they want to go. So, so amazing. It was so great to have you with us today. Dave, can you share with our listeners, how they can follow you either on social media or wherever they can find you?
Dave Armstrong 28:15
Yes. So on Instagram, it's Dave in Greece, it's easy to remember. Sensei Dave Armstrong, if you Google me the book, that's the book Why me my fight for life. It's on Amazon. You can Google it and find it on the books website. So please in email me if you want info at UPN a dotnet. I just love to engage with people and if I can help someone then great. And if you know of somebody that I could help or be of service in any way, let me know that too.
Allison: 28:51
We appreciate you. Thank you so much for sharing time with us today and we will talk to you very soon.
Dave Armstrong 28:56
Thank you very much, ladies. Ciao ciao.