In this episode, we talk to Amy Van Slambrook about trauma and how to not just cope and deal with it, but also harness lessons and power to help us get to know ourselves better and catapult our lives and relationships further into the next level.
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Amy Van Slambrook is a licensed psychotherapist and certified leadership & relationship coach. She helps high-profile women and couple CEOs, entrepreneurs, and leaders to reclaim and elevate into the most aligned and powerful version of themselves in their business, relationship, and life by doing deep healing and transformation at the soul, mind, and body levels. With 30 years of professional experience in psychotherapy, coaching,executive leadership, genetic and psychological research, functional medicine, and entrepreneurship, as well as her own 35-year personal journey of trauma healing and personal development, Amy brings vast experience to her work in post-traumatic growth and holistic wellness and empowerment. She is a sought-after speaker, podcast guest and host, and published author. Amy builds her life and works on a strong foundation of faith.
Social Media Handle: @amyvanslambrook
Memorable Moments:
2:47 I think one of the hallmarks of someone who’s really of transformational wealth is that they’ve tried to separate them, they tried to exist in the mind without appreciating what’s happening in their body and trying to be in their body without appreciating what’s in their spirit and the three are so inextricably tied because they are mouthpieces for one another.
4:36 It’s great to have relationships when there’s no pressure. It’s easy. It’s when there’s the pressure that we are really exposed to the reality of our lives and our relationships.
6:15 I really encourage my clients to take a pause and let themselves get silence in their lives because silence is when we face the reality of things.
6:33 When we are silent, we’re faced with looking in the mirror of what we’ve created not only on the front-facing image of our social media but what happens behind the scenes in the reality of who we are and the relationships that we have starting with ourselves, with God, with those we love the most in life.
8:14 I really am such a champion for the fact that trauma, can be the biggest springboard for your life into a whole new level of success and triumph. It isn’t something we need to run away from.
8:58 I’ve been through decades of my own trauma, I can stand here and say it is the gateway to that next level in your life because it reconnects us to the truest part of ourselves.
10:20 That is how post-traumatic growth really gets to shine because suddenly you’re saying what inhibited my growth, what stunted my growth now can actually catapult it so that I can impact the world the way I'm supposed to.
12:39 If you went through trauma as a child, that's kind of an imprint of how you are going to view all relationships happening.
14:18 We are usually drawn to people who not only give us the comforting feeling of home but also remind us and tend to wound us in ways we were wounded as a child.
19:28 What matters most is absolutely going all in on what God has called me to go all in on. I just turned 50, and it has given me a new sense of liberation and freedom. I have never felt more motivated and vibrant and free because of all the healing work I've done.
Dear Mind, You Matter is brought to you by NOBU, new mental health, and wellness app. To download NOBU, visit the app store or Google Play.
This podcast is hosted by Allison Walsh and Dr. Angela Phillips. It is produced by Allison Walsh, Savannah Eckstrom, and Nicole LaNeve. If you’re interested in being a guest on this podcast, please visit www.therecoveryvillage.com/dearmindyoumatter.
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Allison: 00:02
Hello and welcome to the dear mind, do you matter podcast? My name is Allison Walsh. I'm a longtime mental health advocate and vice president at Advanced Recovery Systems. On each episode I will be joined by my colleague and clinical expert, Dr. Angela Phillips. This show along with our mental health and wellness app, Nobu are just some of the ways we're working to provide you with actionable tips and tools to take really good care of yourself each and every day. So sit back, relax and grab your favorite note taking device, it's time to fill your mind with things that matter. Amy van slam Brooke is a licensed psychotherapist and certified leadership and relationship coach. She helps high profile women and couples CEOs, entrepreneurs and leaders to reclaim and elevate into the most aligned and powerful version of themselves in their business, relationship and life by doing deep healing and transformation at the soul, mind and body levels. With 30 years of professional experience in psychotherapy, coaching executive leadership, genetic and psychological research, functional medicine and entrepreneurship as well as her own 35 year personal journey of trauma, healing and personal development. Amy brings vast experience to her work in post traumatic growth and holistic wellness and empowerment. She is a sought after speaker podcast guest and host and published author, Amy builds her life and work on a strong foundation of faith. I am so excited that you are on our show today. Would you mind introducing yourself to our audience?
Amy Vance Lambrick 01:32
It would be my pleasure. Thank you, Alison. I am Amy Vance lambrick, which is a mouthful. I am a transformational psychotherapist, and coach for high level CEO, women and couples, people who are in the business of leading and changing lives and who need a place to have an emotional exhale. And I come at that from being a corporate executive and being in a multitude of fields, and really finding my home and coaching and therapy for the last 20 plus years while also leaving my corporate career about 10 years ago. So I was doing both for a number of years and then got a little bit more sane. And I'm just doing one. So thank you.
Allison: 02:14
Well, I love that you share your gifts and your experience with the world because I think we do have to have these transformational experiences in our life. But it's always really nice to have somebody alongside us to help us through it because that change is not necessarily the easiest thing. And we're gonna spend some time today, of course, is talking about the interplay of all thinking also, from a relationship perspective. In your opinion, how do you think that the mind, body and spirit are really connected to your overall wellness?
Amy Vance Lambrick 02:43
I don't think there's any way to separate them. I think one of the hallmarks of someone who's really in need of transformational work is that they've tried to separate them, they've tried to exist in the mind without appreciating what's happening in their body and trying to be in their body without appreciating what's in their spirit. And the two or the three are so inextricably tied, because they are mouthpieces for one another. What shows up in our body is a mouthpiece for what's going on, not only in our spirit, but they really cannot be, you know, God created us so beautifully intertwine that it's about our appreciation of that. And when we actually can re merge them together, that someone can experience true healing, I think, you know, in my own journey of trauma and multiple levels, and also going through multiple opportunities that burnout provides, because I was a champion that that you know, working 80 hours a week and being in graduate school and clinicals and trying to help people with their businesses who are in my life and you know, maybe getting a little bit of sleep in there and exercising and all of those things. I had to disconnect from my body in order to exist that way I had to numb and so many women and couples and men right now I think are experiencing a profound level of numbness. Because the last two years, I've described them as being a magnifier, whatever was going on in your life, since 2020 has been like a big magnifying glass and especially in relationships. It was like if you put a home on a cracked Foundation, or a foundation that was solid, you know, really that pressure is going to tell you the health of your relationships because they were put to a test. It's great to have beautiful relationships when there's no pressure. It's easy. It's when there's pressure that we really are exposed to the reality of our lives and our relationships.
Allison: 04:46
love the way that you phrased it as far as like magnifying it you can't hide from it any longer and we shouldn't be right like I think if anything like what a wake up call what a beautiful blessing to be able to pause and look and say what could be better here like not focused Thinking on all the things right? Like, what can I heal from right now that's going to help me be a better version of me in the future? What a gift you can give yourself, right? But that takes work and you work with a lot of like high achieving high functioning people. It's hard to pause, right? And it's hard to look in the mirror when there's 99 other million priorities that soaking up brain space. So what do you find being the most common or the most important advice that you find yourself giving pretty consistently to that type of individual?
Amy Vance Lambrick 05:30
Right? First of all, I try to give them a little bit of reassurance to say, by doing this work. And by taking this change in perspective, you are not going to lose your edge, you're not going to lose your ability to be effective, and your business is not going to fall apart. Because those are the primary fears like, Oh, this isn't a good time, I'll just wait. Or if I do this, am I ever going to not be soft? Like, am I ever going to get my edge back? And isn't this what makes me so successful this overworking. So it's first putting some context to actually that's not helping you, it's actually inhibiting you, and it's driving you into the ground. And certainly, I'm given multiple opportunities to relearn that myself, but I really encourage them first to take a pause, you know, and let them get silence with their lives. Because the silence is when we face the reality of things. And it's not necessarily a tip that's going to help give immediate relief. But it gives immediate perspective. And when we are silent, we're faced with looking in the mirror of what we've created, not only on the front facing image of our social media, but what happens behind the scenes in the reality of who we are, and the relationships that we have, starting with ourself with God with those we love the most in life. And we really have to take a look at it. And it's at that moment that people can really start to get perspective. And I tell them at that moment, don't beat yourself up, just have compassion, because you've been trying to do what you felt was necessary. And I
Allison: 07:09
think too, as we say yes to ourselves, as we give ourselves that time, some things can come up, we've had this conversation, you and I have Amy before around trauma, and just how much that impacts us. And yet, so many times people have unresolved trauma, and they're not doing the work, or they haven't had the opportunity to do the work as of yet. But there's a lot of healing that comes from that. And then on the other side of the healing, right, there's this growth that can happen as a result of doing it. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or mental health issues, we encourage you to reach out to us today. Advanced Recovery Systems is a leading behavioral health care company with locations across this country. Don't hesitate, call us today at 855-409-1753. That's 855-409-1753 help is just a phone call away. Can we pivot now and talk a little bit about post traumatic growth and raising awareness around that phrase really, even as well. People aren't familiar with it. What does it mean?
Amy Vance Lambrick 08:10
Yeah, absolutely. I really, really am such a champion for the fact that trauma can be the biggest springboard for your life into a whole new level of success and triumph and treasure and all kinds of things. You know, it isn't something that we need to run away from. It also isn't something we can have a quick fix from people hope that Oh, well. If I do these 12 steps, and in 12 weeks, I'm gonna be totally healed and everything's gonna be fine. The reality is, it's taken you a long time to get to where you are. And I say out of respect for the sacredness of your journey and out of respect for the sacredness of a soul. Being a guide who not only has spent decades training and decades getting formal education, but I've been through decades of my own trauma, I can stand here and say it is the true gateway to that next level of your life because it reconnects us to that truest part of ourselves trauma. I had a professor explain it so beautifully. You know, we are born so vibrant, so excited about life with all of our potential and God given gifts and all of the things that I believe we're destined to be and then trauma kind of acts as a bit of modification over that and can show up a lot of times first in our relationships. That's why I'm a relationship and trauma expert, because for high achieving women, that's where we see traumas show up most profoundly when their relationships are breaking at home or not working or empty or somebody is in an unhealthy pattern. And so the trauma then doesn't become something that we relive 14,000 times and say this is always going to be who I am, and I am forever wounded now and In fact, we use the language of that injured part of you to give you and your business, I'm now working with business teams, the language to get your needs met, to be fully in the role that you are called to be, and to use that as a way of connecting with others. And that is how Post Traumatic Growth really, really gets to shine, you know, because suddenly, you're saying know what inhibited my growth, what stunted my growth now can actually catapult it so that I can impact the world the way that I'm supposed to. But also do it in a way that you get to live as a human being. And you aren't put on the altar of that success any longer. You know,
Allison: 10:45
I hope those that are listening that maybe know deep in their heart and soul that there's some work that needs to be done, I really hope that you take this as a sign and as an inspiration and little push in the right direction to do something about it. Because you can be beautiful on the other side of it. You learn so much about yourself in the process when you go on a healing journey that I can't encourage people enough to take part in what's holding me back. What are some of those things that maybe I haven't faced, I just keep shoving down or numbing out from or avoiding. But you know, if you notice yourself being triggered, or you notice yourself, seeing some commonalities or some things that you don't necessarily love, that's a perfect place to start. Right. Perfect place to say, I want to do this differently next time. I don't want to feel about this way about this situation again, what can I do to heal? How can I move through this? How can I move forward? How can I be better? Yeah,
Amy Vance Lambrick 11:36
exactly, exactly. And the tears may feel like they would be endless. I think I see a lot of women saying I'm so afraid if I start to cry, it's not going to stop. And I know that's a very real fear. But I promise you, I say tears are a power move. They not only cleanse the body of cortisol, but they also allow us to have clarity in our soul.
Allison: 11:59
Now, so powerful. And you know, when you think about the relationships and the interplay between trauma and relationships, you've kind of touched on it a little bit, but how does that impact the quality of the relationships, how we relate to each other? How we take care of one another? How have you seen trauma really impact that?
Amy Vance Lambrick 12:17
Right? Well, because that's the place where we are most intimate emotionally, that's where we see our capability and capacity emotionally show up the most, you know, there's actually a lot of physiological processes happening when we're in relationship dynamics, both positively and negatively. For instance, your wounds as a child, if you went through trauma as a child, that kind of is like a print an imprint of how you are going to view all relationships happening. If you had someone who abandoned you in any way, shape, or form literally or emotionally, then there is always going to be the presence of some abandonment, wounding of some abandonment fears. And that can come through in a variety of ways. For some people that's like, I am not going to get close to you and don't even try but I will be a happy go lucky person. And we won't have that depth. For some people that's we want to be so close, we just want to be like as tight as we can. And it can feel clingy, or we feel very scared. If we don't hear from a person, any time that there is a trigger emotionally, in a relationship, it's often a sign of an unresolved wound. If you're kind of stuck. And you think I don't know what to do about this. And in the brain, what's happening is you're not able to move into that calm state. But the brain goes back to the amygdala, which of course, is the most primitive brain and it starts to push you into fight or flight. And so you can have these kinds of moments where I describe them as it's like your head spinning around, right? And you suddenly become this other person. And two hours later, you're like, oh, my gosh, what did I just say? And how in the world that I start to feel so out of control? Well, that's a trauma trigger. And so I see this dynamic, especially in couples because as John Gottman and Harville Hendricks have so astutely described, we are usually drawn to people who not only give us the comfort and feelings of home emotionally and the home we grew up in, but they also remind us and tend to wound us in the ways that we were wounded as a child, not as severely in the best of cases. And the worst of cases it is and it's a real wounding, but it's also the greatest ground to resolve those things together. We also tend to choose business environments that mimic our family of origin and this is something I believed for decades and then actually have found research to cooperate that because we are most comfortable in that area, and if we've had trauma growing up, we're going to have those environments in our business lives or create those why? Because in all of these situations, our heart is wanting to solve it, and it's wanting to be healed.
Allison: 15:10
And that's so important for people to pause and just allow that to sink in, right? And maybe do an audit of the relationships that you have in your life right now do an audit of those that you're allowing into your life, right? Like, is it a mirror of what you had as a child, right? Like, is that what you're going after? So that's so interesting, I'm gonna have to get with you afterwards. And like, read more on that, because I'm fascinated by that, whether it's good or bad, it's familiar. Naturally, we're drawn to things where we feel quote, unquote, safe, even if that involves some challenges as well. So it's so interesting, and people are fascinating. And I know we could talk about this all day. ARS University is the perfect go to resource for anyone looking to learn more about mental health, addiction and other related topics. The on demand library offers a wealth of engaging and informative content that can help you gain a deeper understanding of these complex subjects. With ARS University, you'll have everything you need to empower yourself with knowledge and support. To learn more, go to www dot Ars university.com. If somebody's listening right now, and they're thinking to themselves, okay, well, we've talked about trauma, we've talked about high achievement, and what comes along with that, and burnout and all of these things, right. So if they're thinking, though, about the relationship side of things, and what they could do right now, to improve their relationships, what would be a couple of tips that people could take away from today, knowing all of the things that you shared with them at this point?
Amy Vance Lambrick 16:39
Well, first, I would suggest what you just suggested, which was to do an audit, you know, get a better sense of your relationships, because often, we just kind of coast, right, and we're not really thinking about it, we're in responsive mode, or we're numb, and we're just doing all the bazillion things that we have to do. But really take some time, even 15 or 20 minutes, and look at who is closest in your circle. I say relationships are like circles, you know, they shouldn't all be as close to us as possible. But take an inventory. And I want you to look for patterns, you know, Are there patterns and dynamics. And when you get some reality and around what you've built for yourself, then I want you to just allow yourself to ask the question, is this serving me Is this what is most healing for me? Or is there lots of opportunity there, the first relationship is our relationship to ourselves. And I believe our relationship to our Creator. And so I guess the third suggestion would be for you to spend 15 to 20 minutes a day in silence. In meditation, you can do this walking, you can do it by listening to some soothing music. But when you start to bring your nervous system out of fight or flight, and you start to have a relationship with you, and you start to speak affirming words to yourself, even about your pain, that you promise yourself some very, very powerful things, which is I'm going to take care of you, I'm going to get us the help and assistance that we need. We don't have to do this alone. And you aren't alone, that you have all of the resources around you. And you don't have to exist in this forever. That gives you hope, a new growth spurts. It also restores integrity with yourself because it's about keeping those promises to yourself. And the first part of trauma is that we feel like we have lost integrity with ourselves because of course most perpetrators blame anyone who's been through trauma. So I want you to work on restoring your connection to you, and then don't try to do it alone. There are so many resources available. There's so many apps like Nobu and other things that can help you heal and start that process. And it is not as cumbersome as it probably sounds to you. So those are my tips to help people kind of get a little bit of a soothing moment and a soothing space for their soul and their relationships.
Allison: 19:14
Well, these are fabulous tips. So thank you for sharing them with us. And then Amy, we'd love to ask everybody that comes on this show at this point in your life. What matters most to you right now.
Amy Vance Lambrick 19:26
What matters most is absolutely going all in on what God has called me to go all in on. I just turned 50 and it has given me a new sense of liberation and freedom and I'm like I have never felt more motivated and vibrant and free because of all the healing work I've done to just go after that both personally and professionally. So I am on fire for it right now.
Allison: 19:51
I love that and we are on fire for you cheering you on every step of the way. And thank you Amy for the gifts that you share with the world and all of the work that you do. You are Your blessing and we are honored to have been able to spend some time with you today.
Amy Vance Lambrick 20:04
Likewise, Allison, you are just such a gift in my life and in so many. So thank you for all you do.
Allison: 20:12
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you're not already subscribed, we hope you join us regularly. And please leave us a five star review wherever you get your podcasts if you enjoyed the show. We hope that this podcast is beneficial to you and your wellness journey. Dear mind you matter is brought to you by Nobu, a new mental health and wellness app. You can download it today using the link in our show notes. We will talk to you next time and until then remember you and your mind matter